Hello darkness, my old friend

Any time I see or hear the word ‘darkness’, I start singing a song…

Hello darkness, my old friend… I’ve come to talk with you again…

It’s a song that has followed me since I was a teenager in the 90s, when my daddy the introduced me to the music of Simon & Garfunkle, and Sound of Silence became one of my favourites.

The older I get, the more the song resonates with me. I understand the darkness more, I understand the silence more… because I’ve lived it. And more importantly, I’ve survived it.

I’m gonna let you in to a little secret. I suffered from anxiety and depression on different levels since my teenage years. It got to an almost unbearable level about 7 years ago. That’s when I discovered what real darkness was.

But the silence was the worst part. The silence of my own Voice. I lost the ability to speak, yes, in a literal sense. I was so stressed out I couldn’t communicate in a manner that could be understood by others, so I became isolated. I’ve gone over this so many times in my head since, but I’ve learned to stop the spiral before it takes me over the edge – an enormous achievement on my part. *smug* ūüôĄ

So instead of getting caught in a spiral, I can get lost in a song, knowing I have overcome and just take the words as they are…

Hello darkness, my old friend…

Darkness – http://wp.me/p23sd-12Dc

Here lie the remains

For many years, I have been a musician. But I am the musician who won’t play. I won’t play due to fear; fear of what, I don’t know. I thought the fear only surfaced in recent years, but, as can be seen from the date on this poem, it’s been going on a lot longer than I’d dared to accept.

The Rose is Gone

I cannot sing
My lifeline gone
No Rose of Song
I fear the end

Written on 29th March 2005 at 20:53 GMT

One word prompt – sing

I’m so inactive, not very active…

Relating to¬†Inactive by Weird Al (Mandatory Fun, 2015)…

So today I decided to attempt the beginnings of a journey from Couch to 5k. This is something that people do these days isn’t it, Couch to 5k?¬†People who think they’re a tad unfit and want to better themselves?

Now, I’m not an overly large person. I’m short, a little squishy, but definitely not heading to the stage of greasing doorways. This C25K thing is aimed at people like me, those who are slightly inactive and looking to gently start running. Gently. I SAID GENTLY!

“I’m out of shape, I’m fattening up…” – Weird Al

After the first 8 minutes, I felt like something out of Weird Al’s¬†Fat. I walked briskly for 5 minutes, ran for one minute, walked for 90 seconds, and ran for 30 seconds instead of 60 because I was dying. I have to admit here that my ‘brisk’ walking is slow for a snail. And my ‘running’ is slamming each of my feet to the ground while¬†flailing like a demented seagull.

“I’m using my inhaler now…”¬†– Weird Al

The remainder of the 30 minutes was spent limping, trailing my right foot behind me as though it didn’t want to be my friend anymore. I was feeling very sorry for myself; not just because I’d been abandoned by an important appendage, but also at being unable to get through the first day of an easy, totally doable, fitness program. In fact, the only reason I got myself home without just setting up a shack¬†on the side of the road was that there was some nice chocolate-covered toffee waiting for me…

“Don’t tag my toe, I’m still alive!” – Weird Al

In case anyone wants to hear the song in question and feel as flumpy as I do right now!

Word prompt, Healthy